Like a Phoenix

“So ask me how many times life has broken me” said she sipping a coffee from a cup kept before her.

“No tell me, how many time you have kicked in and been a phoenix?” I ushered staring into her eyes which spoke fierce yet so well made.

“Wooo, I Like that” She giggled saying “I am so glad I met you. Finally”

“Me too, very much” I replied in Further “Tell me more”

“oh, It took me long 10  years to be where I am, the senior branch manager of one of the leading Insurance company. Sounds nice. Isn’t it? But trust me its not, not at all was easy. I had a terrific start. I was in mess. I was lazy, I never wanted a career, I just wanted to dance and chillout all time and I was already 27”

I raised my eyebrows as she continued “My boyfriend then husband now one day came to me and said, Yeah nahi chalega, if you want to marry me you have to work, thanks to him I found my 1^st job which paid me 1.5k .it was nothing but book keeping, it so irritated me that  I switched to sales just because they offered me 4 times more pay without having any idea about sales then. I took it, the job where I constantly was on run, I had targets to reach and schedule to miss.. I just worked and worked without thinking much. And here I am today a little proud about what I am”

“And yeah, I want to retire by 40, I have plans further. I want to start a NGO where I can help a children suffering from Autism like my son” 

The moist eyes said it all.

I smiled with one word “Inspiring”

She poured in words “it wasn’t really easy.. I had really late start.. I hated my job.. I wanted to quit.. I was doing I absolutely had no idea about.. but I kept going. That’s it” 

Realizing  she’s no where to stop, I finally asked “what kept you going, what’s the secrete?”

Her eyes sparkled and all she said was “The Secret, Book by Rhonda Byrne”

At times we just need to open the need.

I want to quit

I want to quit, I can't hassle anymore, it's been an year I have started this, I am working day and night, haven't made a single penny, it's getting harder..

I want to quit, it's too much to balance between work,home and kid, I don't get a minute for me, I feel tired..

I want to quit, these bags feel heavy on my back, wondering around, waiting for perfect captures, sleeping in forest, in deserts, in tents. I long for home..

I want to quit, I haven't been able to think single  scene, I think I don't fit in, there are better movie makers than me, I feel lost..

I want to quit, I can't lift weights again, I can't run single mile more, I cant handle anymore bruise on my face, I don't want that medal too.. 

I want to quit..

I failed one more exam, I lost one more game, my new recipe still taste disaster, my one more blog post went unread, i missed my son's PT meeting once again, my hands still shakes in OT today,  my start up yet not funded, I still cry in efforts..

But, I won't quit

Cz,

All the little things I long

All the pretty things I crave 

Of all the images I behold

My struggle is the most beautiful.. 

I won't quit.. 

ಕವಿತೆಗಳ ಕೊನೆಯ ಸಾಲಿನ ಕಾರಣ..

ನೆನಪುಗಳು

ಅಕ್ಷರಗಳಾಗಿ ಪ್ರತಿಭಟಿಸಿದಾಗ

ಸುಕ್ಕು ಗಟ್ಟಿದ ಹಾಳೆಯಲ್ಲಿ

ಗೀಚಿ - ಗೀಟಾಕಿ ನಶಿಸಿಹೋದ

ಆದಿ ಅಂತ್ಯಗಳಿಲ್ಲದ

ಸಾಲುಗಳಿವು

****

ನೆನಪುಗಳೇ ಹೀಗೆ

ಮಾಸಿದ ಗೋಡೆ ಬಣ್ಣದಂತೆ

ಮರೆಮಾಚುವುದು ಅಷ್ಟು ಸುಲಭವಲ್ಲ

****

ಮನಸ್ಸಿನಂಗಳದಲ್ಲಿ ರಂಗೋಲಿ ಬರೆದು

ನಾಳೆಗಳೆಂಬ ಬಣ್ಣ ತುಂಬಿ

ಕನಸಿಣ್ಣೆ ಹಾಕಿ ಹಚ್ಚಿಟ್ಟ

ದೀಪವೇ ನೀನು

****

ಏನಿಲ್ಲ

ನಿನ್ನ ಕವಿತೆಗಳ

ಕೊನೆಯ ಸಾಲಿನ

ಕಾರಣವಾಗಬೇಕಿತ್ತಷ್ಟೆ.. 

Dear 2017,

New Year, Old Hopes.

New eyes, Old Dreams.

Dear 2017,

Welcome. Hope you enjoyed your 2 week  stay with us and don’t have  any plans of messing up remaining  364 days. Thank you, Well keeping the same expectation from you, Here; I  promise you I will take you as you gonna be. I promise this year and rest all years of my life “I will not be Judgmental.” Yes you heard it right, I will never judge anyone for anything and continue admire each and every individual for what they are.

I will not judge person on his skin color, hair color and nor even on those orange colored pants he/she decides to wear. I will still appreciate each one who decided to work 9-5 in that tiny cubicle or gave a shot to set a stage on fire with their guitar, decided to wonder around with huge cameras to capture those perfect moments or gave it up all to raise their perfect child. Yes you all have my admiration beyond your imagination. I will never impose my political beliefs on one, though he/she feel/assume/believe extreme contrary to me.  I will listen to people who choose to speak in their mother tongue or no, I will still listen.  I cherish every emotion of a person who decided to love, love repeatedly or not to love at all. I will take a pleasure of knowing everyone no matter what; Shining or broken.

Yes, This 2017 I wont judge people, in fact I will judge my every action once before and then proceed.

Thank you and much love

-  Someone sincerely hoping for betterment.

Oh women… Its so difficult to be ONE

6:30 AM

*Stretching in joggers park*

Neighbor aunt: “Betaji, you must grow your nail and paint them in pretty colors”

Me: “Auntiji I play violin, I can’t grow nails”

Heart: “Oh shut up, you din do it even before”

9:15 AM

*In the car*

ME: “Get out quick, I am in hurry”

Friend: “Are you doing well these days? You haven’t done brows lately”

ME: “oh I forgot the salon appointment “

Heart: “Lier, you just skipped it for that stupid book”

12:30 PM

*Handing out the mithai dabba*

Colleague: “Here, wife delivered a baby girl”

ME: “Awwww congratulations J”

Heart: Take a tiniest bite

ME: But why? I love Jalebi

Heart: Remember for Ammu’s wedding you have picked a dress a size smaller.!

3:00 PM

*Something  strongly itches around waist, making excuse and rushing to loo*

ME: “F***, why the hell they stitches wash care label inside the shirt?”

Heart: “The designer must have felt, you might need to wash it anytime in case”

Me: “Really, like in middle of meeting I would just rip it off and put into machine”

5:55 PM

*After trying 13^th  shade of lipstick*

SA: “ma’am this looks perfect on you”

ME: “But I already have 3 nude in different brands”

Heart: “Yeah, SA says it enhance your facial feature “

ME: “She said it for all of them”

Heart: "But this nude makes your eye brighter"

8:00 PM

*Dressing up for date*

ME: dinner with him has to be the best thing of the day”

Heart: “Yeah, you gotta wear those new stilettos”

Me: “Oh no, no more heels, feel are already in pain”

Heart:”don’t be jerk, your leg looks so better in ‘em and remember his ex was an inch taller than you”

11:00 PM

ME:”I so wanna sleep peacefully”

Heart: “Did he notice your new earring??”

Oh women… Its so difficult to be ONE”

Silent Teacher

The setting sun is busy dyeing the color of a sky with his vividness and this room like any random day is crowded and felt like  long wait ahead, as always the smell of hospital was sickening for some reasons  more were the distressing than a happy faces around with busy staff in their routine chaos.  I sat their burying my eyes in my copy of Wuthering heights anticipating my turn shall not come any soon. Unable to read, I sat glancing at varied faces all around without realizing that I am eavesdropping in the conversation between two men sitting adjacent to me.

The young man in his late thirties was constantly mocking his little girl as to sit at one place and not to mess all around, watching this scene from last few minutes the old man next to him gestures at saying “it’s ok. She’s kid, let her play” ignoring these words the young man clutched his daughter hands tightly warned her again to maintain silence and send her off to her mother. I watch this girl frightened and running towards her mom I hear the young man turning to the old one and starts “Oh Sir, handling these daughters is big thing sir. Imagine, that too I have two two daughters. Firstly raise them up, provide all the things, educate them, spend on them and they will get married and go. No one to look after us in old age. What to do sir? Things would be different if I had a son; u might be having a son no sir. Lucky you sir” and as he says all this in one go ending the whole story with one big “pchhh” sound, I notice the old man nodding at him with a little smile and move back on his chair.

The time spent by there was awkward silence accept one or two mobile phone ringing and a receptionist calling out next patient’s name. after a while I saw one young lady in her finest of white Apron walking towards us. As she came closer to us, she smiled at old man held her hand to him and said “Come papa, Lets go home” as he got up to leave he turned to the young man patted his back and muttered “Its ok, Let her play” by then a very cute little girl came running to take his hands in her and said “I’ll Hold Nanu’s Hand”

I went on seeing them leaving until they faded from my sight, turning to younger man I noticed his daughter playing  gleefully with him. I couldn’t have felt any happier.

PS: Some people teach you so many things without saying much. Life in bites.:)

ಬಳ್ಳಿ

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